Caring for God's Family - 1 Timothy 5:1-16

Church is a unique experience for a lot of reasons, but one reason that I think church is unique is that it brings people from a variety of backgrounds and life experiences together.

Oftentimes, you’ll meet someone who shares similar life experiences which is always great but I hope we’re all here because it’s our heart’s desire to worship the living God and it’s our shared faith in the person and work of Jesus Christ that brings us together.

But, as many of us also know, the diverse backgrounds and experiences within the church can create challenges as well.

It’s true in life, but it’s especially true that pastorally managing relationships with people who are older than you, those who are your peers, and those who have specific needs can be difficult. And relational challenges are inevitable when you bring a group of diverse people together.

And that’s the issue that Paul is giving Timothy advice on. He’s addressing how to pastorally handle the various relationships and circumstances within the family of God. Particularly how to say hard things to the various demographics within the church, and to care for the growing ministry towards widows within the Ephesian church.

Remember false teaching had been creeping into the Ephesian church and many were being led astray. It wasn’t just the naive young people, but apparently it was older folks as well. Everyone was susceptible to it, making it all the more urgent for Timothy to have challenging conversations. In fact, Timothy had a responsibility to address it with folks in the church.

Admonishing Members of the Church (vv. 1-2)

While I was in seminary, I had this naive picture of what ministry would be like in my head. I’d be locked away in an ivory tower and descend from it once a week, to deliver sermons that would arouse standing ovations. Of course, I’m being dramatic, but in all seriousness, in seminary it’s easy to have an idealistic image of what ministry will be like once you get in there.

One of the things that I wasn’t prepared for, but probably should have been was the number of incredibly difficult conversations I was going to have to have. It’s hands down the worst part of the job, but it’s an absolutely necessary aspect of being a faithful minister. A faithful ministry requires you to have difficult conversations.

I imagine that Timothy was a lot like myself. He knew that it was absolutely necessary, but not something that he enjoyed, which is why the Apostle Paul gives him some encouragement and advice for how to navigate those difficult conversations.

In fact, Paul’s advice spans the various age demographics within any given church. A healthy church should include a range of ages. Churches should be made up of everything from babies to senior citizens and everything in between. The babies cause the least amount of problems in the church, it’s the rest of us that we have to worry about!

Which is why Paul tells Timothy in verse 1, “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father…” The word for rebuke literally means do not “strike or inflict blows upon” an older man. In other words, don’t verbally assault an older man. You don’t address him as your inferior, like a boss reprimanding one of his employees.

Timothy shouldn’t get in an older man’s face and just let him have it. It’s disrespectful. Instead, Timothy should treat older men as fathers. The respect, kindness, and gentleness you’d use when addressing your father is the same respect, kindness, and gentleness you should use when addressing any older man especially in the church.

After all, I’m sure most older men will readily admit that on the rarest of occasions they might get something wrong, and it might even warrant a correction. After all, I think there’s reason to believe that Paul is encouraging Timothy to speak to those who have fallen into false teaching, but even that requires tact, sensitivity, and gentleness.

You do it humbly and respectfully as a son would “encourage his father.”

And the same is really true for everyone else: younger men, older women, younger women. Timothy, regardless of whether they are male or female, old or young, he’s supposed to treat everyone with respect.

Timothy is supposed to treat younger men “as brothers.” Again, Timothy is not supposed to treat young men as his inferiors, rather, he’s supposed to treat them as his equals.

Likewise, older women are to be treated with respect as mothers and younger women must be treated as sisters. Even the women are not to be treated as inferiors. Timothy was supposed to treat the women in the church as either a son to his mother or as a brother to his sister.

Men if you have a sister, I’m sure at some point, your Mom or Dad reminded you not to put you in a headlock and sling her to the ground. Instead, a brother is supposed to protect his sister.

And the same is true in the life of the church. The younger women are to be treated as sisters. Pastoral conduct with the young women in the church must be pure and above board. How many pastors in churches have neglected this particular verse?

And it’s true, as one commentator put it, “pastoral warmth can easily be misinterpreted or exploited.”

We all know pastors who have used their position in the church to exploit women. Which simply reiterates Paul’s point to Timothy! He must maintain appropriate conduct in all his relationships within the church especially when he needs to say difficult things.

But don’t overlook the metaphor that Paul uses when talking about the various relationships within the church - he describes it in terms of a family, because the church is a family! We’re the family of God.

A son should treat his father and mother with respect. A brother should encourage his brothers and protect his sisters. That’s the way a family is supposed to treat one another.

Just as conflicts within families are unavoidable so is conflict within the church. But the way we handle conflict should be different. We should handle conflict lovingly and with respect for one another, the way a family should handle conflict.

2. Caring for Widows in the Church (vv. 5:3-16)

Verses 1-2 really address how Timothy is supposed to handle conflict within the church, and verses 3-16 address something different: how Timothy was to handle the growing ministry towards widows in the church in Ephesus.

Throughout the Scriptures God makes it abundantly clear that he sees, cares, and loves widows and orphans. Scriptures says things like:

God is a “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows.” (Psalm 68:5)

Or Isaiah says, “learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.” (Isaiah 1:17)

Or how about Jesus! He praised the widow’s mite in Mark 12, condemned the Scribes for devouring widow’s houses in Luke 20, and raised the widow’s son in Luke 7.

Jesus very much cared for the widow. And so, it’s really a no-brainer that the church has a responsibility to care for widows.

But Paul makes an interesting distinction in verse 3: “Honor widows who are truly widows.”

What’s Paul talking about here? Are there true widows and false widows? Well, sort of.

Paul tells us exactly what he means by “true widows” in verses 4-5. Paul says,

“But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives.”

There’s a lot going on in these two verses but what I want you all to see is that the key difference between true widows and untrue widows is family support. A true genuine widow, according to Paul, is a woman who has no absolutely no support system. She’s left all alone.

An “untrue” widow according to Paul is someone that has family support. She lost her husband, but has children or grandchildren that can help support her. In fact, Paul makes it crystal clear that children and grandchildren have a responsibility to their parents and grandparents. Which is why he says that children and grandchildren show godliness by caring for parents and grandparents. They actually make some return to their parents, which is pleasing in the sight of God.

In some ways, it might seem like Paul is splitting hairs, right? Because regardless of your family circumstances, widowhood is always hard. There’s no good widowhood situation. They’re all bad, right?

And that’s absolutely true. But widowhood in the ancient world was particularly terrible. Things like food stamps, low-income housing, unemployment checks, life insurance, didn’t exist. And of course, I’m not saying all these handouts are a good thing. I know that many believe that the government stepped in because the church failed to take care of their own, which may be true.

My point is, regardless of how you feel about those programs, the reality is even if a woman unexpectedly loses her husband, it doesn’t automatically mean she’ll be totally destitute. It doesn’t automatically mean she’ll be standing in the median at a stop light with a sign.

In the ancient world, widowhood meant you might not have a roof over your head or know where your next meal was going to come from. There were little to no options for employment. And as you can imagine, it would have been really bad for women who had no family support.

The early church didn’t forget or neglect these widows. Remember, in Acts 6, deacons were established to help care for widows. It was these widows, who were truly destitute, the early church may support.

But there were stipulations that widows needed to meet in order to receive support. First, she needed to be godly. Paul says in verse 5, she’s left all alone and her “hope [is] on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.”

These godly widows recognize that they are utterly dependent upon the Lord for their daily needs to be met.

When was the last time you found yourself on your knees in prayer because you weren’t sure where your next meal was going to come from? Or when was the last time you were in prayer because you had nowhere to sleep that night.

Widows in the ancient world were essentially homeless.

Think about this: somewhere around 70% of America’s homeless population has some sort of addiction, whether it’s drugs or alcohol.

These widows that Paul was writing to Timothy about were in these terrible positions for reasons that were completely beyond their control! They weren’t destitute because of addictions, they were destitute because their husband tragically passed away!

Which is why Paul says that the first line of defense for widows is their family. Again, children and grandchildren have a responsibility to take care of their family. Notice that Paul says, “if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

How can Paul say you’re worse than an unbeliever if you do not support your widowed mother or grandmother? Those words sound harsh, don’t they?

Here’s what Paul is thinking: unbelievers are unaware of Christ’s command in John 13, where he told his disciples, “just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”

Unbelievers have no desire to mirror Christ’s sacrificial love that he displayed on the cross.

God’s example of love or command to love one another have no bearing on the life of an unbeliever, and yet, many unbelievers understand they have a responsibility to care for their own family, especially their parents.

So it’s for these reasons, those who profess faith in Christ but neglect widows in their own family are worse than an unbeliever.

Just think about how many pagan cultures do an outstanding job of honoring their widowed or aging parents. Most Asian cultures do an excellent job of caring for their aging parents. And no doubt, they’re influenced by false religions like Taoism that practice ancestor worship. Perhaps they go too far with it, but it certainly seems that we don’t go far enough.

I’m sure many of you have had the experience of going into a nursing home where a resident tells you that their own children who live in town haven’t visited them in years. That’s sinful neglect.

Children and grandchildren who ignore their own family members who need them isn’t a new phenomenon. It’s always been an issue.

Because the first line of defense for someone who is in need isn’t the church - it’s your immediate family. If you’re a son or daughter, you have a responsibility to your parents and grandparents.

And look, I don’t think there’s a one size fits all approach to how to adequately care for aging parents. Paul’s point is simply Christians who neglect, ignore, or are indifferent towards the care of their parents are in sin.

I also know that many of you had difficult childhoods because of your parents which has put a strain on your relationship with them. I don’t pretend to have all the answers for navigating those difficult circumstances, but I’ll just say this: maybe you have an opportunity to show them the love of Christ that you wish they would have shown to you.

If Jesus’ command to love one another doesn’t apply to your immediate family, then who does it apply to?

The easiest people to take for granted are the ones who are closest to you! Wives take their husbands for granted, and husbands take their wives for granted. Parents take their children for granted and children take their parents for granted.

The love, grace and mercy that we so desperately want to see at work in our community, our state, and country must first permeate our own homes.

Paul’s point of course is that if a widow has family, then her family needs to step up.

But if a widow has no family, then her church family needs to step up. That’s what Paul tells Timothy.

And this is of course, where things get a little more interesting, or even slightly confusing. In verses 9-16, Paul instructs Timothy to “enroll” or put on a “list,” widows in the church who meet certain criteria.

Paul outlines the criteria for the widow list in verses 9-10. Look at those verses with me.

“Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, 10 and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.”

The easiest way to summarize the criteria is that only godly women with life experience were permitted to be put on the “widow list.” They had to be at least sixty years old, have a good reputation, raised children, and be hospitable.

When Paul says that they have to have washed the feet of saints, he’s using that terminology figuratively. In other words, these widows have demonstrated humble service perhaps to traveling preachers or something along those lines.

Widows had to meet certain requirements in order to be supported by the church. But the support came with strings attached: these women weren’t just going to receive a handout.

They were expected to work within the church. I think their primary responsibility was to help the deacons minister to women within the church.

But then Paul tells Timothy there is a class of widow that shouldn’t be enrolled onto the widow list. Look at verses 11-15.

“But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry 12 and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. 13 Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. 14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. 15 For some have already strayed after Satan.”

The issue that Paul saw with supporting younger widows by enrolling them onto the “widow list” is that their desire to remarry and youthful immaturity would keep them from fulfilling their responsibilities.

Perhaps they’d remarry a pagan man who would lead them away from the faith. Or worse, they’d waste time gossiping or meddling in other people’s affairs - that’s what the word, “busybody” means.

It seems that going house to house and ministering to the needs of ladies within the church was a major part of this particular ministry, which is why I think these ladies would assist the deacons.

Now of course, Paul isn’t saying that every young widow would be an unmitigated disaster on the widows list, rather, he’s saying that young widows weren’t worth the risk.

In fact, there isn’t anything wrong with the desire to be remarried. Paul actually encourages it in verse 15, “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.”

Young widows who desire to get remarried should get remarried. They should have children, manage their household, and avoid slander.

But notice Paul doesn’t say, these young widows are on their own! I hope it all works out for them. No, Paul encourages ladies of means to minister to widows as well.

If a woman has extra room, or perhaps a job to help a young widow make ends meet, they should help them out. This is the first women’s ministry isn’t it?

And if there is help in this particular way, then the church will not be burdened with caring for widows! Instead, the church can focus her attention on the widows that are completely destitute and have nothing.

This passage really centers on how the church should relate and minister to one another. And if you view everyone who goes to your church not as random people who take up the seat next to you or the seats in front of you, but as fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers it changes things.

It makes everything more personal. Their pain is your pain. Their happiness is your happiness.

You’ll want to demonstrate respect for fathers and mothers. You’ll want to demonstrate appreciation for your brothers and sisters. You’ll want to make sure the widows and orphans are cared for.

Families will often say that “blood is thicker than water,” but isn’t it true that the blood of Christ is even thicker, and it’s the bind that ties us together.

What we share in Christ is infinitely stronger than anything that could divide us.